We're going to play a wonderful game called... "Who is my daddy and what does he do?"

Detective John Kimble

[in unison] Our mom says our dad is a real sex machine.

Rina, Tina

My dad's a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long.

Joseph

Detective John Kimble: I have a headache. Lowell: It might be a tumor.
Detective John Kimble: It's not a tumor! It's not a tumor. At all!

SHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Detective John Kimble

Joshua: Are you married, Mr. Kimble? Detective
John Kimble: No, I'm not.
Joshua: [shouts] He's not married, Mom!

[during Who is Your Daddy game] My daddy works on a computer all day, and is the head of his company and he, um, he has a moustache and a beard, and he-he doesn't have a lot of hair, and cuz-um, since his head is so big, he can't wear any hats.

Emma

Freeze! Don't you know the building is on fire?

Detective John Kimble

Jacob: [to Lou] I have some Ativan but it's different.
Lou: Well, let's stick it up our asses!
Jacob: It's not a suppository!
Lou: It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!

I'm a cop you idiot! I'm detective John Kimble!

Detective John Kimble

Kimble, you've wasted years chasing after me, and what has it got you? Huh? Nothing! I'll be out of here in a week, and you'll still be eating takeout food in that dump you live in. Yeah! I know all about you, Kimble. Without me, you wouldn't even have a life. My old lady left because of the money. Yours left because she just couldn't stand the sight of you.

Cullen Crisp

You should be reading stories about bears that go shopping!

Detective John Kimble

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