[as she is being dragged away] You can check my urine! CHECK MY URINE! CHECK MY URINE!

Amy Squirrel

Shut the front door.

Amy Squirrel

[slurred] I'm gonna rock your vagina.

Carl Halabi

Twilight, what did we talk about in class? Throw it through her, not at her.

Russell Gettis

Steven: Can I get a knife or fork?
Wench: There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there are no utensils AT Medieval Times. Would you like a refill on that Pepsi?
Steven: There were no utensils but there was Pepsi?
Wench: Dude, I got a lot of tables.

Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Chip Douglas

The blue knight rules! The red knight sucks the big one! Down, down, down. Right knight goin' down. Down, down, down. Red knight goin' down.

Chip Douglas

Steven: You know, my brother is a speech therapist.
Chip Douglas: Tho?

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The Cable Guy: Sounds like heart break to me.
Steven Kovacs: Well I really don't want to discuss it with you. Could you just install my cable please? I'm gonna go get dressed.
The Cable Guy: Suit yourself. No sweat off my sac. Oh by the way, you might wanna put on a bathing suit 'cause you'll be channel surfing in no time!

Preferred customer my ASS!

Medieval Times host

This concludes our broadcast day. Click.

Chip Douglas

Chip Douglas: Wow, the old McNair place. Never thought they'd get the floors clean after what happened.
Steven Kovacs: Why? What happened?
Chip Douglas: They had a lot of cats.

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