Popular Comedy Quotes
Taggart: [learning Bart is the new sheriff of Rock Ridge] Now if that don't beat all. Here we take the good time and trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West, and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff that's blacker than any Indian. I AM depressed.
Lyle: Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir, but I sure do hate to see you like this. What if me and the boys was to shoot that nigger dead? Would that pep you up some?
Taggart: That might help...
The stress is killing me.Mikey Abromowitz
Grace: Oh, Ed. You just sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
Ed Rooney: Really? Thanks, Grace.
May I have ten thousand marbles, please?Flounder
It's all happening!Polexia Aphrodisia
Grace: It's weird. I woke up this morning and I swear my boobs felt bigger. Do they look bigger to you?
Bradley Fine: [has gun pointed at Tihomir] Tell me where the bomb is. Ten seconds or you're dead.
Tihomir Boyanov: Interesting. You see, when my men and I hid it, I made sure to erase any witnesses. And then I erased the erasers. Which means, I'm now the only one who knows just where that dangerously compact and transportable nuke is. So... I'd say I have more than ten seconds.
Bradley Fine: Well then in that case, I'd say you'd better st- [sneezes, shoots Boyanov between the eyes]
Bradley Fine: Oh, fuck...
Susan Cooper: [on earpiece] Oh my God, why did you do that?
Bradley Fine: I didn't do it on purpose; there's like a ton of pollen in here!
[gleefully] Rome wasn't burned in a night.Joe
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt!
Fletcher: I hold *myself* in contempt! Why should you be any different?
Daniel Day-Lewis would have torn that scene apart.George Simmons
Cher: You are such a brown-noser.
Josh: Oh, and you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change your grades?
Cher: The fact that I've done it every other semester.
You guys here for the suck-fest?Motel Owner