Popular Comedy Quotes
Stop tailgatin' me ya pasty teabag! Can I make a peepee?Kirk Lazarus
Michael: Sweet love, renew thy force.
[Start of Shakespeare's Sonnet LVI]
Patrick: Hey! Don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you.
Billy Mack: I realized that Christmas is... is the time to be with the people you love.
Billy Mack: And I realized that, as dire chance and... and... and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid-50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a... with a chubby employee. And... and much as it grieves me to say it, it... it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.
Joe: Well, this is a surprise.
Billy Mack: Yeah.
Joe: Ten minutes at Elton John's, you're as gay as a maypole!
Veronica Sawyer: That knife is filthy.
J.D.: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?
Veronica Sawyer: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.
That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator! I need some dudes who speak American god dammit! He's making a fucking sweater here, I'm tryin' to put tiger bomb on this jungle's nuts.Cody
Harry Dunne: You're hot for my daughter!
Lloyd Christmas: What?
Harry Dunne: Am I right?
Lloyd Christmas: That's insane!
Maury Ballstein: The designer's got your nuts in a vice! He's offering you three percent for every pair of underwear sold! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!
Kids: Screw Him! Hold out for more!
The doctor said I need a backiotomy!Sir-Smoke-Alot
Deputy Chief Hardy: Well I hoped never to see you again.
Schmidt: What's up, dawg?
Jenko: We back!
Deputy Chief Hardy: Ladies, nobody gave a s*** about the Jump Street reboot but you got lucky. So now this department has invested a lot of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going. The only problem is the Koreans bought the church back so we're moving you across the road to 22 Jump Street.
Walter Sobchak: The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
Donny: Who's in pajamas Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
Miranda Hobbes: The only two choices for women; witch and sexy kitten.
Carrie Bradshaw: Oh you just said a mouthful there sister.
The only way to beat my crazy was by doing something even crazier. Thank you. I love you. I knew it from the moment I saw you. I'm sorry it took me so long to catch up.Pat