Popular Comedy Quotes
[rehearsing his proposal lines to an older woman at the school]
Ben: To say I’m crazy about you doesn’t do you any justice. I adore you. I’m devoted to you. You would make me the luckiest man on the planet if you would be my wife.
Lunch Woman: Eh
Ben: What’s that mean, “eh”?
James: Today is your training day. You got one day and one day only to show me what you got.
Ben: Bring it on.
Ben: You want the hammer?
Angela: I want the hammer.
Ben:Then go get the hammer.
[James, who was sitting in the dark, shines his flashlight on them, scaring them]
James: OK, enough of that nasty sh**.
Ben: Baby 9-1-1, call 9-1-1!!
[he pushes her, then trips and breaks a glass table]
[large flaming debris slams into the back window of James' car]
Ben: It’s probably still driveable though, because it happened in the back.
[the car explodes]
Ben: You can’t drive it now.
Elizabeth Halsey: Sign my yearbook.
Russell Gettis: Hold my ball sack.
Shawn: LeBron is a better rebounder and passer.
Russell Gettis: LeBron will never beat Jordan. Call me when LeBron has six championships.
Shawn: That's your only argument?
Russell Gettis: It's the only argument I need Shawn!
Russell Gettis: That was a nice thing you did for him.
Elizabeth Halsey: He was going through a difficult time.
Russell Gettis: I am going through a difficult time. May I have your panties?
Elizabeth Halsey: I'm not wearing any.
I'm going to suck your dick like I'm mad at it.Elizabeth Halsey
Hello titties.Elizabeth Halsey
I have received a call from Mark's dad saying the car wash was a success, and then I got a call from Chase's dad about the car wash being a great success, and then a call from Danni's dad saying we should have a car wash every weekend. So whatever she did, worked.Principal Wally Snur
Well, that's my spiel, as the Jews say.Elizabeth Halsey
I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know.Elizabeth Halsey