Elizabeth Halsey: Sign my yearbook.
Russell Gettis: Hold my ball sack.

Shawn: LeBron is a better rebounder and passer.
Russell Gettis: LeBron will never beat Jordan. Call me when LeBron has six championships.
Shawn: That's your only argument?
Russell Gettis: It's the only argument I need Shawn!

Russell Gettis: That was a nice thing you did for him.
Elizabeth Halsey: He was going through a difficult time.
Russell Gettis: I am going through a difficult time. May I have your panties?
Elizabeth Halsey: I'm not wearing any.

Hello titties.

Elizabeth Halsey

Lynn Davies: I love how his eyes sparkle.
Elizabeth Halsey: I want to sit on his face.

I have received a call from Mark's dad saying the car wash was a success, and then I got a call from Chase's dad about the car wash being a great success, and then a call from Danni's dad saying we should have a car wash every weekend. So whatever she did, worked.

Principal Wally Snur

Well, that's my spiel, as the Jews say.

Elizabeth Halsey

I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know.

Elizabeth Halsey

Did you know I walked in on him trying to fuck his dog? Peanut butter everywhere.

Elizabeth Halsey

[as she is being dragged away] You can check my urine! CHECK MY URINE! CHECK MY URINE!

Amy Squirrel

Shut the front door.

Amy Squirrel

[slurred] I'm gonna rock your vagina.

Carl Halabi

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