Popular Comedy Quotes
Charles: Yes! Time!
Matthew: It's about ten to nine.
Charles: There I was, standing there in the church, and for the first time in my whole life I realized I totally and utterly loved one person. And it wasn't the person next to me in the veil. It's the person standing opposite me now... in the rain.
Carrie: Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed.
Mike: [dressed as security guard] Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.
Teen: Man, why don't you goose-step on down to the women and children over there and give them your little power trip, because they may be impressed by it, asshole!
Mike: Young man, I'm gonna twist off your head and spike it onto the floors of a nightmare you can't even imagine! I will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire, unless you move from this area, far and fast, NOW!
Murray: Where you been all weekend? What's up? You been jeepin' behind my back?
Dionne: Jeepin'? Jeepin'? No. But, speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you can explain how this cheap K-Mart hair extension got into the backseat of your car.
Murray: I don't know where that came from. That looks like one of your little stringy somethin' or an others you got over here.
Dionne: I do not wear polyester hair, okay? Unlike some people I know like Shawana.
Cher: Dee, I'm outty.
Murray: Why do you got to go there? Why do you gotta go there? Is it that time of the month again?
You got knocked the fuck out... gimme my goddamn money... yeah payback's a motherfucker, Nigga.Smokey
Napoleon Dynamite: I like your sleeves. They're real big.
Deb: Thank you. I made them myself.
Napoleon Dynamite: So you and Pedro getting really serious now?
If he were feeling what I'm feeling then he would know how it feels.Julianne Potter
When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.Surfing Instructor
Chef: Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
General: I don't listen to hip-hop.
Lindsey Meeks: I saw you on ESPN.
Ben: Yeah, we looked like morons, didn't we?
Lindsey Meeks: Yah, yah, totally. Well, not you so much.
Ben: Well, it was Florida. It was hot.
Andrew: Why do you have to insult everybody?
John Bender: I'm being honest, asshole.
Marlin: I can't read human.
Dory: Then we need to find a fish that can read this. Hey, look! Sharks!