I went to sleepaway camp so long ago that it was the Stone Age. No, but seriously, it wasn't the Stone Age... it was the Ice Age! No, really, it was the Stone Age.

Alan Shemper

SCRATCH! SCRAAAAAAAAATCH! Oh my stars of the love of Liza. You scratch my C-D!


Rayna Boyanov: Fuck! People are trying to kill me and all that's left of my security guard is you two, and you look like someone's demented aunts on vacation! You!
Rayna Boyanov: Don't you have someone in your team other than this asthmatic Big Bird?

Jake: [Looking at stick figure drawing] Who's that?
Janey: It's my mother.
Jake: You have her eyes.

Thurgood Jenkins: Guys just shut up about the weed for two seconds, I don't want this girl to know I smoke.
Scarface: Yeah it's bad enough you a janitor yo.
Thurgood Jenkins: Custodian, dick!

McLovin? Were you violating that young girl? Were you violating her with you penis?

Officer Slater

Harry: What about birth control?
Erica Barry: Menopause.
Harry: [pauses] Who's the lucky boy?

These people are just excited about the savings.

Don Ready

Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye. It's just I won't ever see you again.

Frank Drebin

Trip McNeely: Speaking of which, you still with that Amanda chick? She was a prize piece if I ever saw one.
Mike Dexter: [lying] Yeah, me and Amanda. Definitely. Yep.
Trip McNeely: You're lucky, bro.
Mike Dexter: I sure am.
Trip McNeely: Stay with her. It's the best advice I can give you... Oh, that, and bring rubber flip-flops in the shower. I got warts all over my feet.

Marlin: Now, what's the one thing we have to remember about the ocean?
Nemo: It's not safe.
Marlin: That's my boy.

Stand by for justice!

Curt Henderson

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