Popular Comedy Quotes
Kimmy Wallace: I think I'm going to cry.
Julianne Potter: Me too.
Last name? I'd rather not say. My brother's in politics.Raoul Duke
Samantha Newman - Age 5: Daddy, how much longer are you going to live?
Michael Newman: [to cellphone] One minute.
Samantha Newman - Age 5: One minute?
Thorny: Who wants a moustache ride?
German Woman: I do, I do!
German Man: Oooh, I vant von too!
Alan Garner: What if Doug's dead? I can't afford to lose somebody close to me again, it hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died.
Phil Wenneck: How'd he die?
Alan Garner: World War II.
Phil Wenneck: Died in battle?
Alan Garner: No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II.
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Corky St. Clair: How tall are you?
Corky St. Clair: Really... Wow!
The trouble with being the Prime Minister's sister is it does put your life into rather harsh perspective. What did my brother do today? He stood up and fought for his country. And what did I do? I made a papier machÃ© lobster head.Karen
Freeze! Don't you know the building is on fire?Detective John Kimble
Bitch, I don't know your life!Angie Ostrowiski
Good morning, I'm Roger Grimsby. Today, the entire Eastern Seaboard is alive with talk of incidents of paranormal activity. Alleged ghost sightings and related supernatural occurances have been reported across the entire Tri-State area.Roger Grimsby
This is not a cheer-ocracy, I am the cheer-tator, I will make the cheer-isions around here, and I will deal with the cheer-onsequences.Priscilla