Austin: Basil, this coffee smells like shit.
Basil: It is shit, Austin.
Austin: Oh, good, then it's not just me.

Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.

Otho

Steven: Can I get a knife or fork?
Wench: There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there are no utensils AT Medieval Times. Would you like a refill on that Pepsi?
Steven: There were no utensils but there was Pepsi?
Wench: Dude, I got a lot of tables.

Miracle Max: Go away or I'll call the Brute Squad.
Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: You *are* the Brute Squad?

Gopher, Everett?

Delmar O'Donnell

Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy.

John

Susan Cooper: Where'd you get a suit?
Rick Ford: I fucking made it, didn't I?

Frank: I had an awesome time!
Beanie: I know that you had an awesome time. I think the entire town knows you had an awesome time.

I will love you forever, Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours.

Mr. Big

I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease free gentleman standing by the mini bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm welcome Harrison welcome to my pal and your favorite, Snoop Dogg.

Beanie

I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!

Brennan Huff

Otter: Let me give you a hint. She's got a couple of major league yabbos.
Boon: Beverly!
Otter: No. But you're getting warmer. Here's another: "Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!"
Boon: Marlene! Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond!
Otter: Pork?
Boon: You're gonna hump her brains out, aren't you?
Otter: Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.

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