Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Chip Douglas

The blue knight rules! The red knight sucks the big one! Down, down, down. Right knight goin' down. Down, down, down. Red knight goin' down.

Chip Douglas

Steven: You know, my brother is a speech therapist.
Chip Douglas: Tho?

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The Cable Guy: Sounds like heart break to me.
Steven Kovacs: Well I really don't want to discuss it with you. Could you just install my cable please? I'm gonna go get dressed.
The Cable Guy: Suit yourself. No sweat off my sac. Oh by the way, you might wanna put on a bathing suit 'cause you'll be channel surfing in no time!

Preferred customer my ASS!

Medieval Times host

This concludes our broadcast day. Click.

Chip Douglas

Chip Douglas: Wow, the old McNair place. Never thought they'd get the floors clean after what happened.
Steven Kovacs: Why? What happened?
Chip Douglas: They had a lot of cats.

Steven: I have this friend and he gave his cable guy $50 and then he got all the movie channels for free. You ever hear of anything like that?
Chip Douglas: [Walks slowly towards Steven] You mean illegal cable?
Steven: Um... Yeah.
Chip Douglas: Who told you that? What is his name? I want it.
Steven: Just forget it.
Chip Douglas: You're offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend six months in a correction facility!
Steven: No, please, that was dumb. I was just making conversation. Forget it.
Chip Douglas: [Bursts out laughing] I'm just jerking your chain! Ha ha ha. The look on your face! Ha ha, you are too easy!
Chip Douglas: Wake up, little snoozy. Smell the smelling salts? Ha ha ha. I'll juice ya up.

I'll juice ya up.

Chip Douglas

Come on Stevie, time to leavey, It's the fun bus man!

Chip Douglas

Come back here, so that I may brain thee!

Chip Douglas

Wake up lil snoozy! Smell the smelling salts!

Chip Douglas

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