My worst fear is to OD on a recreational drug.

Albert

Where are all the white women at?

Gunman at Fair in Final Scene

I'm not the hero. I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt; that's who I am.

Albert

You know what else can kill you? Doctors!

Albert

Schmidt: Yo Sleepy, wus up homie!, everyone saying that Sleepy he like the Mexican wolverine
Scarface: Why you not talking?
Jenko: My name is Jeff

Captain Dickson: We Jump Street, and we 'bout to jump in yo ass.
Jenko: Mmmm-hmmm.
Schmidt: Right in the crack.

Jenko: Oh, hey, look, there's Korean Jesus.
Captain Dickson: It's Vietnamese Jesus now, you racist motherfucker.

Jenko to bandit

Jenko

Schmidt: [after Mr. Walters mimicked him mockingly] I don't sound like that.
Mr. Walters: Eric! Close your eyes and tell me who's talking!
Eric Molson: [eyes closed] Ugh, Schmidt bein' a little bitch.

Deputy Chief Hardy: Well I hoped never to see you again.
Schmidt: What's up, dawg?
Jenko: We back!
Deputy Chief Hardy: Ladies, nobody gave a s*** about the Jump Street reboot but you got lucky. So now this department has invested a lot of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going. The only problem is the Koreans bought the church back so we're moving you across the road to 22 Jump Street.

He's black! He's been through a lot!

Schmidt

Jenko: We're like a power couple.
Schmidt: We're like Rihanna and Chris Brown. You're a good dancer but sometimes you're meaner than I'd like you to be.

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