I can always guess how many jelly beans are in a jelly bean jar, even if I’m wrong.

Brick Tamland

Ed Harken: We all loved Brick.
Ron Burgundy: Sweet Brick
Ed Harken: I'm told the next speaker was very close to him.
Brick Tamland: Why?! Why did you take him from us?!
Ron Burgundy: Brick, you're not dead.
Brick Tamland: I'm alive?
Ron, Champ and Brian: Yes
Brick Tamland: I'm alive!

Who the hell is Julius Ceasar? You know I don't follow the NBA!

Ron Burgundy

Ron Burgundy: Linda Jackson, how are you my friend?
[Shakes hand of Linda's male assistant]
GNN Anchor: This is Linda.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, black… Black
Brian Fantana: Ron!
Ron Burgundy: Black!

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Champ Kind: That's Jack Kind. Look at him. He's a prince.
Ron Burgundy: He's not that great.
Jack Lime: What'd you say?
Brick Tamland: [yelling] He said you're not that great!
Ron Burgundy: Brick!

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Veronica Corningstone: If you touch Ron, I will burn your face with a curling iron.
Ron Burgundy: Meow!

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Brick Tamland: Let's take a look at the big map. Where’s the map?
Ron Burgundy: Take a look at the monitor.
Brick Tamland: Oh god, Ron, where's my legs? I don't have any legs, Ron. Ahhh! In 93, 93…

Ron Burgundy: Brick, can you hear me?
Brick Tamland: I can't hear you.
Ron Burgundy: You're answering so I think you can hear me.
Brick Tamland: No, I can't.

Ron Burgundy: We've got a job in New York City.
Brian Fantana: Hey Ron, who's driving?
Ron Burgundy: It's okay. It’s on cruise control.
Champ Kind: Why do you have this bag of bowling balls and this terrarium filled with scorpions?
Ron Burgundy: It's a crazy story.
Brian Fantana: Cruise control just regulates speed. It doesn't steer.
Baxter: [barks]
Brick Tamland: He says we're all gonna die!
[Motorhome crashes]
Ron Burgundy: That is going to make one hell of a story.

Teddy Sanders: We're throwing a Robert De Niro party.
Pete: You call the cops, you violate the circle of trust, Focker.
Mac Radner: Who are you?
Garf: I'm Sam Jackson from Jackie Brown.
Scoonie: [pause] Hoah!
Garf: Hooah!
Kelly Radner: That's actually Al Pacino.
Garf: The Path of the righteous man.
Mac Radner: That's the wrong Sam Jackson speech.

Pete: He puts his dick in your mouth while you were asleep!
Assjuice: I wasn't asleep.

Assjuice: Do you know how many bj's they promised me?
Assjuice: Infinite bj's. They promised me infinite bj's

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