Popular Comedy Quotes
Audrey: Where were you?
Fletcher: Having sex.
Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone *very* special!
Gretta: And your ex-wife called, she wants to know when you're coming to pick up your son.
Fletcher: Oh, I'm such a shit!
Looks like the upper hand, is on the other foot!President Thomas 'Tug' Benson
Oh God, I'm a dead man.Al
Marlin: What did it say? What did the mask say?
Dory: P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.
"All I wanted was a breakfast brunch."Stu
Larry Daley: Sorry, I don't mean to stare. You just look very familiar.
Woman: I get that a lot.
Oseary Drakoulias: Who the blazes is that?
Ned Plimpton: It's me, Ned. Maybe this is nothing, maybe it's something. I don't know what your problems are, I don't know... but I just inherited $275,000. Would that amount make any difference?
Oseary Drakoulias: What sort of expression is the lad wearing on his face?
Danny Noonan: I've always wanted to go to college.
Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.
Lacey Underall: [to Danny] Nice try.
Hoover: Will you tell those assholes to shut up?
Boon: Hey! Shut up you assholes!
E.B.: Dad, I wanna drum in a band. I wanna see the world.
EB Dad: EB, the Easter bunny sees the world all in one night.
E.B.: oh, Really dad? What about China?
EB Dad: (Remembers being thrown out in China) Right, so we haven't cracked China yet.
E.B.: Don't wanna be the Easter bunny.
EB Dad: 4000 years of tradition doesn't end just because one selfish bunny doesn't feel like doing it!
Richard Hayden: That guy may not call us.
Tommy: I can't believe he called me a psycho.
Richard Hayden: Hey, were you in there just now? You are a psycho... Good God. And comb your hair.