Popular Comedy Quotes
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional, and I would like to be able to do my job.
Ron Burgundy: Big deal. I am very professional.
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
Ron Burgundy: I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman.
Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke.
Ron Burgundy: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.
Veronica Corningstone: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir.
Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker.
Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry.
Ron Burgundy: Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you have bad hair.
Ron Burgundy: I can't believe you did this to me. You read my news.
Veronica Corningstone: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that.
Ron Burgundy: I thought you were kidding. I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. "Veronica had a very funny joke today." I laughed at it later that night.
Veronica Corningstone: I can't believe that I cared for you.
Ron Burgundy: Get out. Just go. We are through. Through. Because of your actions, you scorpion woman.
Veronica Corningstone: You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. You have broken my heart.
I'm in a glass case of emotion.Ron Burgundy
Bartender: You know, times are changing. Ladies can do stuff now and you're going to learn how to deal with it.
Ron Burgundy: What? Were you saying something? Look, I don't speak Spanish.
Loud noises!Brick Tamland
Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.
Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
Ron Burgundy: No. No.
Veronica Corningstone: No, that's - that's what it means. Really.
Ron Burgundy: Agree to disagree.
I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.Ron Burgundy
[after jumping into the grizzly bear pit at the San Diego Zoo] I immediately regret this decision.Ron Burgundy
[to Veronica Corningstone] I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head.Ron Burgundy
It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice.Ron Burgundy
Brian Fantana: Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes.
Champ Kind: Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.
Brick Tamland: Fantastic.
Ron Burgundy: Well, is it a shortcut or not?
Brick Tamland: Okay.
Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.