Popular Comedy Quotes
Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?
President Skroob
Vanessa: Why don't you just fly everywhere? Isn't it faster?
Barry B. Benson: Because flying gets very tiring. Why don't you humans just run everywhere, isn't that faster?
Vanessa: I see your point.
Woody once risked his life to save mine, and I couldn't call myself his friend if I wasn't willing to do the same. Now who's with me?
Buzz Lightyear
Bender: Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other? Claire Standish: [nods]
Bender: Wouldn't I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?
Pee-wee: Some night, huh?
Large Marge: On this very night, ten years ago, along this same stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building... And when they finally pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this...!
Pee-wee: Aaaaaahh!
Large Marge: Yes, Sir, the worst accident I ever seen.
Yikes! What is that, a scrunchie? I haven't seen of those since 1995.
Patrick Patrickson
Bart: You are my guest, and I am your host. What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: I don't know... play chess... screw...
Bart: [quickly] Let's play chess.
You are the greatest player I have ever seen. Besides my self, practicing in front of a mirror... which I do... everyday... in the nude.
Karl Wolfschtagg
You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.
Raoul Duke
Princess Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?
Shrek: It's on my "to do" list. Now come on.
Princess Fiona: But this isn't right. You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying-that's what all the other knights did.
Shrek: Yeah, right before they burst into flames.
Amanda Becket: [to Preston] You know what? Why don't you go off and get yourself a goddamn life, asshole?
Due by the Keg: [to Preston] Thanks, man. That's the funniest thing I've seen all night.
Borat: You like me? You are my friend?
Driving Instructor: Yes, I am your friend.
Borat: You be my boyfriend?
Driving Instructor: No, I'm not your boyfriend... okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.
