Popular Comedy Quotes
I'm Thomas Cub. It's my birthday today.Thomas
Those boys desecrated a burning cross!Homer Stokes
Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.
The Dude: And the fucking money.
Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.
Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!
Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever fuckin' do it again.Lou Brown
Elwood: We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me, pal.
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?
Elwood: Why da ya gotta be so negative all the time? Why can't ya offer some... constructive criticism?
Jake: You got us into to this parking lot, pal, so YOU get us out.
Elwood: You want outta this parking lot?... O.K.
Ron Burgundy: We've got a job in New York City.
Brian Fantana: Hey Ron, who's driving?
Ron Burgundy: It's okay. It’s on cruise control.
Champ Kind: Why do you have this bag of bowling balls and this terrarium filled with scorpions?
Ron Burgundy: It's a crazy story.
Brian Fantana: Cruise control just regulates speed. It doesn't steer.
Brick Tamland: He says we're all gonna die!
Ron Burgundy: That is going to make one hell of a story.
Self-Destruct Voice: This ship will self-destruct in ten, nine, eight, six...
Dark Helmet: Six! What happened to seven?
Self-Destruct Voice: I'm just kidding!
Wilbur: So you eat flies?
Charlotte A. Cavatica: No... no, no. I drink their blood.
[rehearsing his proposal lines to an older woman at the school]
Ben: To say I’m crazy about you doesn’t do you any justice. I adore you. I’m devoted to you. You would make me the luckiest man on the planet if you would be my wife.
Lunch Woman: Eh
Ben: What’s that mean, “eh”?
Sugar: I come from this musical family. My mother is a piano teacher and my father was a conductor.
Joe: Where did he conduct?
Sugar: On the Baltimore and Ohio.
Norbit! Why you run like little bitch?Mr. Wong
Garth Algar: Hey, are you done yet? I'm getting tired of holding it.
Wayne Campbell: Yeah, that's what she said.