Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Derek Zoolander

Matilda: What time is it?
Derek Zoolander: Almost five.
Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys...
Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."

Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.

Mugatu

Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us.

Derek Zoolander

Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Mugatu

Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

J.P. Prewitt: Male models don't think for themselves.
Derek Zoolander: Yes they do!
J.P. Prewitt: No they don't.
Derek Zoolander: Okay!

Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!

Mugatu

It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now

Mugatu

Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!

Hansel

There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman."

Derek Zoolander

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