Andrew: Why do you have to insult everybody?
John Bender: I'm being honest, asshole.

Sugar: Water polo? Isn't that terribly dangerous?
Junior: I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.

Hey baby, check out the gun show going on over here. BOOM BOOM! Firepower!

The Thinker

I have a bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names.

Nick Naylor

Caroline: I found Jesus!
Norah: What?
Caroline: Jesus!
Caroline: He's much taller in person...

Just because I wear a uniform doesn't make me a girl scout.

Fran Kubelik

Happy learned how to putt, UH-OH!

Happy Gilmore

Cockburn, from now on my fist is going to be so far up your shithole that every time you have a thought, it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring...

Les Grossman

Ah, hon, ya got Arby's all over me.

Marge Gunderson

E.B.: Is she seeing anyone?
Fred: No. She's single and she's looking for a rabbit.

"I don't like you takin' liberties with my dick."

Nick [to Lou, regarding an oral sex bet]

I'm going off the grid. No more Franchises, no more botox, no more "Hey, oh, lets clone another goat," and certainly no more sexual harassment lawsuits, what's wrong with saying "Hey, nice tits." When did that go out the window?

Uncle Ben

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