Popular Comedy Quotes
Plus, the benefits are great, you know? If I get shot on the job, I'm like... *MMM*... rich!Kenny
Sam: Tickle is my favorite thing in the whole world. It's all that's left of Nanny, my blanket.
Andrew Largeman: Tickle is all that remains. Was there a hurricane or something?
Sam: Shut up!
Sam: We're not gonna make out or anything, okay?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry. I just totally ruined that moment, didn't I?
Andrew Largeman: Can you imagine being the guy whose job it is to argue for the right to build a mall on top of a geological phenomenon?
Mark: They love their malls here, man.
You know, this necklace makes me think of this totally random memory of my mother. I was a little kid, and I was crying for one reason or another. And she was cradling me, rocking me back and forth, and I can just remember the silver balls rolling around. And there was like snot running down my nose. And she offered me her sleeve and told me to blow my nose into it. And I can remember, even as a little kid, thinking to myself, this is love... this is love.Andrew Largeman
I don't want to waste another moment of my life without you in it.Andrew Largeman
So what do we do? What do we do?Andrew Largeman
The helmet I was wearing... Oh come on, that's funny. That's really funny, I mean I'm the only person who wears a helmet to work who isn't putting out fires or racing for NASCAR. But what do you do, I can't quit... their insurance is amazing, what do you do? You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good.Sam
That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have.Sam
Sam: What you got?
Andrew Largeman: I got a little buzz going
Andrew Largeman: and I like you.
[Sam, embarassed, giggles]
Andrew Largeman: So there's that. I guess I have that.
Sam: I can tap-dance. You wanna see me tap-dance?
Andrew Largeman: I would love to see you tap-dance.
This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.Sam
Sam: I haven't even lied in like, the past two days.
Andrew Largeman: Is that true?