Popular Comedy Quotes
I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you're on your own.Rufus T. Firefly
Marge Gunderson: Say Lou, did ya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates so he went and changed his name to J3L2404?
Lou: Yah, that's a good one.
Woody: [yelling through the heat duct] Buzz, help.
Stinky Pete the Prospector: It's too late, Woody. That silly old Buzz Lightweight can't help.
Woody: His name is Buzz Lightyear.
Stinky Pete the Prospector: Whatever. I always hated those upstart space toys.
Jacob: This is scientifically possible!
Nick: Tell us how it's scientifically possible, Professor Hawking.
Jacob: I will, 'cause I write Stargate fan fiction; this is my bread and butter, man!
Nick: Oh my God, I seriously almost passed out you're such a dork.
Rex: At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?
[points to Kip]
Rex: Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!
Them syreens did this to Pete. They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad.Delmar O'Donnell
It's hell out there. Matthew's trapped with an evangelist from Minnesota.Gareth
[to Rhonda] GET OUT OF YOUR PANTS!Valentine McKee
Rufus T. Firefly: How would you like a job in the mint?
Chicolini: Mint? No, no, I no like a mint. Uh, what other flavor you got?
Tyra Banks: Do you know who i am?
Hannah Montana: I know you know who i am.
[sitting watching "Ghost" and crying] God, I'm a fag.Tank