If you ain't first, you're last.

Ricky Bobby

Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me! Help me, Oprah Winfrey!

Ricky Bobby

98% of people will die sometime in their lives.

Ricky Bobby

We missed you at the wedding. It was really classy. We had a Styx cover band, and a nacho fountain.

Cal Naughton Jr

You have spilled my macchiato.

Jean Girard

Reese Bobby: So can I help ya?
Ricky Bobby: Fine. I'll do it. But I ain't callin' you Daddy.
Reese Bobby: Well, what are you gonna to call me then?
Ricky Bobby: (Later) All right, Professor Dickweed...

Ricky Bobby: Wow, I feel like I'm in Highlander.
Jean Girard: What is the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
Jean Girard: Oh. Any good?
Ricky Bobby: Very good. It won the Academy Award.
Jean Girard: For what?
Ricky Bobby: For best movie ever made.

Cal: When you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time, how do you control the volume on the T.V.?
Ricky: Why would you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time?
Cal: Because I like to party.

Now that's what I call high quality H2O.

Bobby Boucher

Vicki Vallencourt: Well, Bobby Boucher, welcome to manhood. I'll make sure to welcome you properly later.
Bobby Boucher: Once again, I'm not quite sure what that means.

You don't have what they call "the social skills." That's why you never have any friends, 'cept fo' yo' mama.

Mama Boucher

Bobby Boucher: So that's what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like.
Coach Klein: Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass.

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