[about Gloria] She took me below deck for forty-five minutes. I have no bodily fluids left in me.

Jeremy Grey

Jeremy Grey: Have you ever shot one of these things before?
John Beckwith: The whole 17 years we've known each other I've been sneaking off to go on little hunting trips around the world. No, I don't even know what the fuck a quail is!
Jeremy Grey: I look totally ridiculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn't see me?
John Beckwith: I know. Why can't we hunt something cool like a hawk or an eagle, something with some talons?
Jeremy Grey: That'd be awesome. We could get something like big game. Even like a gorilla or a rhinoceros or a fucking human being! That'll get you jacked up.

I almost numchucked you, you don't even realize!

Chazz Reingold

They're break-dance fighting.

Mugatu

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

Derek Zoolander

Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.

Larry Zoolander

Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Derek Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you.

Matilda: What time is it?
Derek Zoolander: Almost five.
Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys...
Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."

At the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than being really, really good looking.

Derek Zoolander

Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.

Mugatu

Billy Zane: Hey, Derek, back on top, man.
Derek Zoolander: Thanks, Billy. You rock.
Billy Zane: No, you rock. When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?
Derek Zoolander: Not yet. You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.

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