Popular Comedy Quotes
Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you.Michelle
Martha Stewart, Oprah, your wife. You gotta fuck one, kill one, and marry one, who do you pick?Dale Doback
My shit always works sometimes!Mike Lowrey
Brooke: My sister has been through a lot...
Gary: ...of dick!
One gay beer for my gay friend, one normal beer for me because I am normal.Ray
Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.Teddy Roosevelt
Son, you're about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop.Patches O'Houlihan
[on Dr. Gonzo] There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.Raoul Duke
Ricky Bobby: What has France ever given America, huh?
Jean Girrard: We invented democracy, existentialism , and the MÃ©nage Ã trois.
Cal Naughton Jr: Those are three pretty good things, Ricky. Especially that last one
You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey. Smoke up Johnny."John Bender
Phil: A gust of wind.
[a gust of wind blows]
Phil: A dog barks.
[a dog barks in the distance]
Phil: Cue the truck.
[an armored truck drives up]
Phil: Exit Herman; walk out into the bank.
[Herman gets out of armored truck and walks into the bank]
At age 11, I audited my parents.Allen Gamble