Popular Comedy Quotes
Tai: Do you think she's pretty?
Cher: No, she's a full-on Monet.
Tai: What's a monet?
Cher: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess. Let's ask a guy. Christian, what do you think of Amber?
I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the wrost. You're very good-looking. I'm not very attractive.Happy Gilmore
Leon the Snowman: By the way don't eat the yellow snow.
Buddy: Oh, I know that.
Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco... Frannncisco... Franciscooo...Buddy
I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking... heiney. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it.Ron Burgundy
Tommy: Hmmm. He seems like a nice guy.
Richard Hayden: This is the guy trying to buy the company, not to mention put you out on the street, and all you can say is, "Hmmm, he seems like a nice guy!"
I'm sexy! I'm a scholar! People like me!Thurgood Jenkins
Rick Vaughn: What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie Harris: Crisco? Bardol? Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeÃ±o up my nose, get it running, and if I need to load the ball up I just... wipe my nose.
Zoey: Could you please take your hands off my breasts?
General Aladeen: Those are breasts? I thought you were a boy.
Ricky Bobby: From now on, it's Magic Man and El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
Officer Smy: [to Ursula] If you were my wife, I'd take you down a peg or two.
Officer Smy: Hey douche bag.
Foster: [to Ursula] If you were my wife, I'd massage your feet 'til you fell asleep.
Ursula: Nice try.
Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch!
Jim: Michelle! Michelle.