Becca Crane: Jacob, run!
[Jacob jumps above Becca and lands in his chihuahua form. Becca disbelievingly]
Becca Crane: A chihuahua?

Turk Malloy: Are you in yet?
Virgil Malloy: I hate that question

Alan Garner: It was really nice meeting you.
Melissa: Fuck off!
Alan Garner: You know, I was thinking of getting my bartender's license.
Melissa: Suck my dick!
Alan Garner: No thank you.

Don't worry. We can walk to the curb from here.

Alvy Singer

Olive: Why were you unhappy?
Frank: I fell in love with someone...
Grandpa [blows nose loudly]
Frank: ... who didn't love me back.
Olive: Who?
Frank: One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him.
Olive: Him? You fell in love with a boy?
Frank: Very much so.
Olive: That's silly.
Grandpa: There's another word for it...

[narrating] I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.

Cady

Lois Einhorn: And somebody get me some coffee!
Ace Ventura: Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss some coffee

Aloha. My name is Mr. Hand.

Mr. Hand

Janey: You never noticed my glasses and my ponytail.
Jake: And don't forget the paint-covered overalls.
Janey: Right... you never noticed those either.

Officer Slater: Ethnically, was he like uh... uh... African?
Liquor Store Woman: Was he African? He was like you.
Officer Michaels: He's Jewish, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie.

When I was growing up, I knew I was different. The other girls were blonde and delicate, and I was a swarthy six-year-old with sideburns.

Toula Portokalos

Second base... shit.

Jake Taylor

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