Popular Comedy Quotes
Andrew Largeman: You remember that idea I had about working stuff out on my own and then finding you once I figured stuff out?
Sam: The ellipsis?
Andrew Largeman: Yes, the ellipsis. It's dumb. It's dumb. It's an awful idea. I'm not gonna do it, okay? 'Cause like you said, this is it. This is life. And I'm in love with you, Samantha. I think that's the only thing I've ever been really sure of in my entire life.
Shrek: So, Fiona's father paid you to do this?
Puss-in-Boots: Oh, the rich king? SÃ.
Celebrities beat cancer all the time. Lance Armstrong, he keeps getting it.Kyle
My allergic reaction made me feel beautiful.Shelley
Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!Jay
[to Lewis] I'm not allowed to look at the time machine, let alone drive it!Wilbur
Say what you will about Jesus, but leave "The Rings" alone.Elias
[Gil sees Justin wearing nothing but a gunbelt]
Gil: That's what you're wearing to bed? You'll catch a cold!
[Justin puts on a cowboy hat]
Gil: Karen, how about after the kids are asleep... (referring to Justin.) I wear this outfit?
Mike Damone: You are a wuss: part wimp, and part pussy.
Well... We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.Frank Drebin
That's what you slipped in! That's what was on your shoe! AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRASION ON YOUR PALM! Damn I'm good!Ace
We need somewhere to put our black asses, nigger.Borat