Popular Comedy Quotes
Andrew Largeman: You remember that idea I had about working stuff out on my own and then finding you once I figured stuff out?
Sam: The ellipsis?
Andrew Largeman: Yes, the ellipsis. It's dumb. It's dumb. It's an awful idea. I'm not gonna do it, okay? 'Cause like you said, this is it. This is life. And I'm in love with you, Samantha. I think that's the only thing I've ever been really sure of in my entire life.
You changed my life. You changed my life, and I've known you four days. This is the start of something really big, but right now, I gotta go.Andrew Largeman
Diego: Who just saw some titties?
[Mark, Largeman and Sam raise their hands tentatively]
Diego: Ok. Now everybody calm the fuck down!
Andrew Largeman: It looks nice in here.
Gideon Largeman: Yeah, we've been doing some work to the place.
Andrew Largeman: Really?
Gideon Largeman: No, I don't know why I just said that.
Mark: Hey, vagina!
Andrew Largeman: Hey, what's up, guys? Uh, Sam, it's Mark, Dave, and you remember Jesse.
Dave: What's up?
Mark: Hey, nice to meet you. I'm sorry I said vagina just now. I didn't know you were here.
Sam: Oh, that's okay.
Mark: Nice. Let's get fucked up.
It's amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter inch piece of plastic.Andrew Largeman
Tim: By the way, it says 'balls' on your face.
Andrew Largeman: [to Mark] Asshole!
Mark: What? My mum did it.
Andrew Largeman: Who are you?
Sam: I'm your new friend Sam. Tissue?
Wayne Campbell: All I have to say about that is "asphinctersayswhat".
Noah Vanderhoff: What?
Wayne Campbell: Exactly.
Garth Algar: Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?
Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.
Wayne Campbell: Am I supposed to be a man, am I supposed to say, it's OK, I don't mind. I don't mind. Well I mind! I mind big time? And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ.
Cassandra: Is that true?
Wayne Campbell: Yes, everything except the reading part.
Tiny: Wayne. How you doin'?
Wayne Campbell: Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beetles.
Wayne Campbell: Shitty Beetles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck.
Wayne Campbell: Then it's not just a clever name.