Popular Comedy Quotes
Talk to the cleaning lady on Monday. Because you'll be dust by Monday. Because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. The cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts.Todd Ingram
Shrek: Excuse me; can you ladies tell me where to find...
Cheerleader: Ugh, totally ew-eth.
Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.Cady
Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?
Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
Don: Did you shoot any?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
Don: What kind of gun did you use?
Napoleon Dynamite: A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?
This an outrage! I demand a full investigation!Mortimer Duke
Nemo: I'm sorry I couldn't stop the...
Gill: No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I was so ready to get out, so ready to taste that ocean, I was willing to put you in harm's way to get there. Nothing should be worth that.
I'm gonna make Gretzky's head bleed for super fan 99 over here.Trent
Margaret: He must like you very much.
Marianne: It is not just for me. It is for all of us.
Lillian: You remember my cousin Rita. Rita just bought a new house. It is gorgeous.
Rita: I wouldn't know, I only see the kitchen and the laundry room, and the ceiling in my bedroom.
Rita: [after pause] Sometimes the floor.
Don't blame marriage. She's married and she's not growing a national forest.Samantha Jones
This entire jungle is a house of death!Horton
Ha ha! Drivin' drunk. Classic.Alan Garner