Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

Lou Loomis: What's the sign say?
Angie D'Annunzio: No bare feet.
Lou Loomis: [picks him up by the shirt collar] What's that sign say?
Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting.
Lou Loomis: What's that mean?
Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting.
Lou Loomis: You owe me one gumball machine. What's that candy wrapper doing there? Well don't you see it? Well pick it up.

Nicholas Angel: What's the situation?
DS Andy Wainwright: Two blokes and a fuck load of cutlery!

Pinto: What's your major?
Pinto's Date: Primitive cultures.

Westley: Where am I?
The Albino: [raspy voice] The Pit of Despair! Don't even think... [coughs, clears throat] Don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. Don't dream of being rescued, either; the only way in is secret. Only the Prince, the Count, and I know how to get in and out.
Westley: So I'm here 'til I die?
The Albino: Until they kill you, yeah.

Frank: Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Billy Madison: Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?
Frank: 1974.
Billy Madison: Meg Ryan.

Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.

Willie Mays Hayes

Ricky Bobby: Wow, I feel like I'm in Highlander.
Jean Girard: What is the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
Jean Girard: Oh. Any good?
Ricky Bobby: Very good. It won the Academy Award.
Jean Girard: For what?
Ricky Bobby: For best movie ever made.

Cassandra: Yeah, and if a frog had wings it wouldn't bump its ass when it hopped.
Wayne Campbell: Interesting. Where did you learn English?
Cassandra: College... and the Police Academy movies.

Bartender: You know, times are changing. Ladies can do stuff now and you're going to learn how to deal with it.
Ron Burgundy: What? Were you saying something? Look, I don't speak Spanish.

You know what you are, Flint Lockwood? A shenaniganizer! A tomfool!

Earl Devereaux

Dante Hicks: You wouldn't wanna be with a girl with an oversized clit?
Randal Graves: No because the next step would be a guy with an undersized dick.

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