Popular Comedy Quotes
She-lika-da-way your dick taste!Jonah
Shrek: Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends.
The Donkey: Wow, only a true friend would be that truely honest.
Dr Ray Stantz: Are you okay?
Louis: Who are you guys?
Dr Ray Stantz: We're the Ghostbusters.
Louis: Who does your taxes?
Dr Ray Stantz: You know, Mr. Tully, you are a most fortunate individual.
Louis: I know!
Dr Ray Stantz: You have been a participant in the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the Tunguska blast of 1909!
Louis: Felt great.
Dr. Egon Spengler: We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue.
Jacob: Hey Nick, rip off any pop stars lately?
Nick: Today I recorded an original piece... Okay, it was that Lisa Loeb song.
Jimmy: So Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Chazz: We're going to skate to one song, and one song [sings] I'm gonna get you get you drunk, get you drunk off my lady humps. My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.
Jimmy: How do you even know what that means?
Chazz: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.
Jimmy: No it's not, it's...
Chazz: It gets the people GOING!
[to Earl] Who died and made you Einstein?Valentine McKee
Ms. Perky: [writing her novel] ... Underlating with desire, Adrian removes her red
[breaks concentration, chooses another word]
Ms. Perky: crimson cape, at the site of Reginal's stiff and...
[Yells at Judith]
Ms. Perky: What’s another word for "engorged"?
Judith: [disgusted look] I'll look it up.
Ms. Perky: Ok.
[thinking of word]
Ms. Perky: Swollen... Turgient...
Kat Stratford: [enters Kat] Tumesent?
Ms. Perky: Perfect!
Kat Stratford: [as Kat leaves] I'll let you get back to "Reginal's quivering member".
Ms. Perky: Quivering member? I like that.
The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.Ferris Bueller
Audrey, good news, both my legs are broken so they can't take me straight to jail.Fletcher
[as she is being dragged away] You can check my urine! CHECK MY URINE! CHECK MY URINE!Amy Squirrel
Evan: Yeah chicks go nuts for that... the male camel toe.
Seth: Yea yea! The camel tail.
Mike Lowrey: Everybody wants to be like Mike.
Captain Howard: Yeah, and you're gonna be retired like him too.