Popular Comedy Quotes
What about santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?Buddy
Happy Gilmore: You like THAT old man? You want a piece of ME?
Bob Barker: I don't want a PIECE of you, I want the whole THING!
Loud noises!Brick Tamland
Ham: Excuse me. Could any of you ladies tell us where we can find the Al of Al's Toy Barn?
Tour guide Barbie: I can. I'm Tour Guide Barbie. Please keep your arms in the car at all times, and no flash photogtaphy. Thank you.
Mr. Potato Head: I'm a married spud, I'm a married spud...
Ham: Then make way for the single fellas.
He better not get in my face, 'cause I'll drop that motherfucker!Brennan Huff
Grandpa: [voiceover] That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish," what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.
Buttercup: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher.
Westley: As you wish.
[they begin kissing]
Boys, you got to learn not to talk to nuns that way.Curtis
Gwen: Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Van Wilder: Carry the two, yes that's correct.
Haven't you ever wondered why the crime rate is so low? But the accident rate is so high?Nicholas Angel
Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.Mike Damone
Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!French Soldier