Popular Comedy Quotes
Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?
Danny Noonan: Every day.
Ty Webb: Good. Then what's your problem?
Danny Noonan: I don't know.
Danny Noonan: I gotta go to college.
Ty Webb: You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.
Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny Noonan: It's hard when you're talking like that.
Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.
Dr. Beeper: I thought you'd be the man to beat this year.
Ty Webb: I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.
Ty Webb: Guys, don't include me in this.
Al Czervik: Come on, Ty, you're an ace. Everybody knows it.
Ty Webb: I don't play golf, for money, against people.
Al Czervik: What are you, religious or something?
Ty Webb: You might say that.
While we're young.Al Czervik
He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife.Al Czervik
[farts] Hey, did somebody step on a duck?Al Czervik
Al Czervik: What're we, waiting for these guys? Hey Whitey, where's your hat?
Judge Smails: Do you mind, sir. I'm trying to tee off.
Al Czervik: I'll bet you a hundred bucks you slice it into the woods.
Judge Smails: Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice.
[slices ball into woods]
Judge Smails: *Damn*.
Al Czervik: OK, you can owe me.
Judge Smails: I owe you nothing.
Lacey Underall: I bet you've got a lot of nice ties.
Ty Webb: How do you mean?
Lacey Underall: Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
Lacey Underall: Who's you decorator? Bennihana?
Ty Webb: No, I brought most of that stuff back with me from Vietnam.
Lacey Underall: You were in the war?
Ty Webb: [limps and pats his butt] No... Homo.