Popular Comedy Quotes
No, no, no don't just hork it down!Remy
[to Veronica Corningstone] I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head.Ron Burgundy
Up your butt, Jobu.Eddie Harris
USS Enterprise, shakedown crew's report. I think this new ship was put together by monkeys. Oh, she's got a fine engine, but half the doors won't open, and guess whose job it is to make it right.Scotty
Sugar: Water polo? Isn't that terribly dangerous?
Junior: I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.
Uncle Rico: We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers.
Kip: How bout some gold bracelets?
Uncle Rico: We need like some name tags with our picture on it, all laminated and what not. I mean, we gotta look legit man.
Kip: That's true, that's true.
Junior O'Daniel: We could hire our own midget, even shorter than his.
Pappy O'Daniel: Wouldn't we look like a bunch of Johnny-come-latelies, bragging on our own midget, doesn't matter how stumpy.
We have a great life here in Alaska, and we're never going back to America again!Homer Simpson
We need kegs. Multiple, cold and domestic.Droz
Isaac Davis: Has anybody read that Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey? Y'know, I read this in the newspaper. We should go down there, get some guys together, y'know, get some bricks and baseball bats and really explain things to them.
Party Guest: There is this devastating satirical piece on that on the Op Ed page of the Times, it is devastating.
Isaac Davis: Well, a satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point.
Well, we're waiting!Judge Smails
[Rasputia is about to kill Norbit]
Mr. Wong: WHALE HO!
Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?
Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!