Popular Comedy Quotes
They laughed at Louie Armstrong when he said he was going to the moon, and now he's laughing at them from up there.Chazz
Paddy O'Brien: They're always after me lucky charms... What!? Why does everyone always laugh when I say that? They ARE after me lucky charms! What!?
Frau Farbissina: It's a television commercial. With this cartoon leprechaun, and all of these children are trying to chase him, "Hey, leprechaun, leprechaun man, we want to get your lucky charms." Oh! And there are these little tiny pieces of marshmallow just stuck right in the cereal. So when the kids eat them they think, "Ooh this is candy, I'm having fun!"
This is Natalya. She is my sister. She is number-four prostitute in whole of Kazakhstan.Borat
[to Fletch] If you don't sit your lanky ass down right now, bottom-line, I will knock you the fuck out.Marcus Burnett
Delmar O'Donnell: We thought you was a toad!
Delmar O'Donnell: [leaning in, speaking slower] We thought you was a toad!
Well, those cheeseburgers were only the beginning because a breakfast system is on its way to Swallow Falls. My forecast? Sunny... side up!Sam Sparks
What, do you think you're better than me, 'cause you got both your nuts?Chuck
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Interviewer: Where did you go to school?
Josh: It was called George Washington.
Interviewer: Oh G.W. My brother-in-law got his doctorate there. Did you pledge?
Josh: Yes. Every morning.
Capt. Dickson: Somebody's cooking up a new drug.
Jenko: Wipe? wipey? Wipey?
Capt. Dickson: No, you dumb motherfucker, WiFi
Schmidt: Play on, player.
Capt. Dickson: Why every time you speak I want to throw the fuck up?
Phil Wenneck: Would you shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question. Who's this?
Doug Billings: It's Alan. Tracy's brother.
Alan Garner: I met you like four times.
Phil Wenneck: Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?