Popular Comedy Quotes
Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?Ferris Bueller
Steve Butabi: Oh my God, Doug. This is the most amazing place I've ever been.
Richard Grieco: Guys, guys. This is the coat room. The club's in here.
Have you been shootin' up Rogaine?Rita
This is the man cave, there's no women allowed in here. I got a jerk-off station for God's sake.Sydney Fife
Virginia: What's this about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?
Happy Gilmore: I didn't *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I thought he should be with his family.
[her campaign speech] Who cares about this stupid election? We all know it doesn't matter who gets elected president of Carver. Do you really think it's going to change anything around here; make one single person smarter or happier or nicer? The only person it does matter to is the one who gets elected. The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me, because I don't even want to go to college, and I don't care, and as president I won't do anything. The only promise I will make is that if elected I will immediately dismantle the student government, so that none of us will ever have to sit through one of these stupid assemblies again!Tammy Metzler
Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!Dewey Finn
Hey, this is the police. Move your busted-ass vehicle. Move, move, move, move. This is the LAPD. We'll pop one in your ass. We got guns and shit.Miles Logan
See if you can guess what I am now.... I'm a zit. Get it!?Bluto
Jack: This chick Stephanie, she's got it all goin' on.
Miles Raymond: Well, she is cute, yeah.
Jack: Cute? She's a fuckin' hottie. And you almost tell her that I'm gettin' married? What's the matter with you?
Elaine Dickinson: Would you like something to read?
Hanging Lady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine Dickinson: How about this leaflet, "Famous Jewish Sports Legends?"
Always remember, life is not how many breaths you take, it's how many moments take your breath away.Hitch