Popular Comedy Quotes
[in a childlike voice] Oh, Lawrence! This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!Freddy Benson
Anna Riley: Don't you have work?
Rabbi Jake Schram: We're doing a hostile takeover of Congregation Bertov Sholem.
She called me and asked for my number.Steve Stifler
Rabbi Jake Schram: Jews want their rabbis to be the kind of Jews they don't have the time to be.
Father Brian Finn: Yeah, and Catholics want their priests to be the kind of Catholics they don't have the discipline to be.
Mary: Did you mean what you said up there?
Ted: Well ya I just want you to be happy Mary.
Mary: But I'd be happiest with you.
I just don't know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I've cooked, I've picked your shit up off the floor, I've laid your clothes out for you like you're a four year old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything I did the plans, I take care of everything. And I just don't feel like you appreciate any of it. I don't feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care.Brooke
Wait Vanessa, I can explain. You see, I was looking for Dr. Evil when the Fembots came out and smoke started coming out of their jomblies. So I started to work my mojo, to counter their mojo; we got cross-mojulation, and their heads started exploding.Austin Powers
Mrs Jennings: Have you missed me, Pigeon?
Pigeon: Very much, ma'am.
Mrs Jennings: Yes, you always say that and I never believe you.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Let me in, I don't have a key to this door.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: It's open. You ok?
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Oh, I'm in love.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Hey, you've got a bandage on your teat.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: A love bandage.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, I mean an ace bandage.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Oh my God, if I've been stabbed, I'm gonna be so pissed!
Cover me, Dicklips!Kirk Lazarus
Man On Train: I shall call the guard!
Paul: Ah, but what? They don't take kindly to insults, you know. Let's go have some coffee and leave the kennel to Lassie!
Tom: What's he doin?
Droz: He's finishing his senior thesis. Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV.
Tom: That's his thesis?
Droz: Yes! That's the beauty of college these days, Tommy! You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit.