Popular Comedy Quotes
You gonna do it? Come on. Fill me up! Come on! Fill me up! Yeah! Good job!Diane McAllister
Jack Lime: Welcome to the station. Just wondering what time you feed that mustache.
Ron Burgundy: Maybe I’ll feed it a ham sandwich.
Jack Lime: Hey don't make jokes off my jokes!
Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.
Flight Attendant: Sir, we have a policy on this airline that if a bag is this large we take...
Greg Focker: okay you know what, take you scrubby little paws *off* my bag, okay? It's not like I have a bomb in here. It's not like I wanna blow up the plane. I just want to store my bag according to your safety regulations.
Flight Attendant: Sir, sir!
Greg Focker: Hey, hey, If you would take a second, take the little sticks out of your head, clean out your ears, and maybe you would see that I'm a person who has feelings, and all I have to do is do what I wanna do and all I want to do is hold on to my bag and not listen to you! And the only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if you came over here right now and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers, okay? If you can get it from my kung-fu grip then you can come and have it, okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch.
I can't believe we said no to free beer!Valentine McKee
I'm pooping!Deputy Trudy Wiegel
[singing] The sun is shining and the grass is green. / Under the three feet of snow, I mean.Stan
I was born a poor black child.Navin R. Johnson
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!Sue
Shrek: Excuse me; can you ladies tell me where to find...
Cheerleader: Ugh, totally ew-eth.
Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.Cady
Margaret: He must like you very much.
Marianne: It is not just for me. It is for all of us.