You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy.

Seth

Adam [commenting on young Nick's haircut]: "You look like Kid 'n Play."
Nick: "That's actually two people."

[after ripping the guy's ponytail off] You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally SPLIT!

Jessica (in Clive's body)

Cady: You're not stupid, Karen.
Karen: No, I am actually. I'm failing almost everything!
Cady: Well... there must be something you're good at.
Karen: I can stick my whole fist in my mouth! Wanna see?
Cady: No no no... Anything else?
Karen: Well... I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.
Cady: What do you mean?
Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.

You're right! You're not your dad! He could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves!

Richard Hayden

A bear ate all my clothes except for these condoms.

Brüno

[opening lyrics] A long ass fucking time ago, in a town called Kickapoo, there lived a humble family religious through and through. But yay, there was a black sheep, And he knew just what to do. His name was young JB and he refused to step in line. A vision he did see of fucking rocking all the time. He wrote a tasty jam and all the planets did align.

JB

Melissa: Ace, Where are you?
Ace Ventura: I'm in Psychoville and Finkle's the Mayor.

Nathan Arizona Sr.: All right, boy, I guess you got a reward coming, $25,000. Or, if you need home furnishings, I can give you a line of credit at any of my stores. In fact, that's the way I'd rather handle it. Tax reasons.
Ed McDonnough: We don't want no reward. We didn't bring him back for money.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: We can work it that way, too!

Tony D'Annunzio: Another Rob Roy, Bishop?
Bishop: You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already.
Judge Smails: Wrong, you're drinking too much your Excellency.
Bishop: Excellency, fiddlesticks, my name's Fred and I'm a man, same as you.
Judge Smails: You're not a man, you're a bishop, for God's sakes.
Bishop: There is no God...

Ronnie Barnhardt: Are you all right?
Brandi: Physically yes, but psychologically? No!

As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he was talking about.

Shaun

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