Popular Comedy Quotes
Dinner host: I called the police.
Borat: Why? Did the retard escape?
[after kissing April] I am so lesbian right now.Jessica (in Clive's body)
Earl Bassett: Dammit, I'm gonna kick his ass!
Valentine McKee: I'm gonna help you.
Elizabeth Halsey: Sign my yearbook.
Russell Gettis: Hold my ball sack.
Dude, this one looks like your mom.Jay
[Silent Bob nods]
Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.
Ask me about my wiener!Sherman Schrader
Ian Faith: I've got a small bit of bad news.
Derek Smalls: Makes a change doesn't it.
Ian Faith: We've been cancelled here.
David St. Hubbins: At the hotel?
Ian Faith: No. The gig is canceled.
With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.Raoul Duke
Church laws are fallible because they're created by man.Loki
Raoul Duke: Well? What are your plans?
Dr. Gonzo: Plans?
Raoul Duke: The child in the bedroom.
Dr. Gonzo: Oh, Lucy. I met her on the plane. Yeah, she's a religious freak. I gave her a cap before I realized... Jesus, she's never even had a drink before.
Morgan Philip: You know they always say guys only have one thing on their mind.
Giselle: And whatâ€™s that?
Morgan Philip: I don't know. No one will tell me.