Popular Comedy Quotes
[about Regina] I have this theory that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.Cady
I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you wont make fun of her!Regina
Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.Cady
Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white?
Gretchen: Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.
Cady: You're not stupid, Karen.
Karen: No, I am actually. I'm failing almost everything!
Cady: Well... there must be something you're good at.
Karen: I can stick my whole fist in my mouth! Wanna see?
Cady: No no no... Anything else?
Karen: Well... I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.
Cady: What do you mean?
Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.
[to the female student body] Okay, yeah. I've got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best friends against her. And then... Oh yeah, Cady - you know my friend Cady? She made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh, God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash. God! I am so sorry Regina. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big *lesbian* crush on you! Suck on THAT!Janis
Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it. Okay, promise? Okay, now everybody take some rubbers.Coach Carr
Regina: Why don't I know you?
Cady: I'm new. I just moved here from Africa.
Cady: I used to be home-schooled.
Regina: Wait... what?
Cady: My mom taught me at home...
Regina: No, I know what home-school is, I'm not retarded! So you've actually never been to a real school before? Shut up! Shut up!
Cady: I didn't say anything.
[narrating] Finally, Girl World was at peace. And if any freshmen tried to disturb that peace, well, let's just say we knew how to take care of it... Just kidding.Cady
Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.Gretchen
What in the world?Pageant Official Jenkins
[written on piece of paper showing it to Frank] Welcome to hell.Dwayne