The Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
The Donkey: Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That's the moon.
The Donkey: Oh, okay.

Princess Fiona: [turns into an ogre] I wanted to show you before.
Shrek: Well, er, that explains a lot.

Donkey: Wait a minute, I know what's going on. You're afraid of the dark.
Princess Fiona: Why... yes!
Donkey: Don't worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until... No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.

Princess Fiona: Shrek's hurt.
The Donkey: What? Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm fine.
The Donkey: You can't die on me, Shrek! I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich?

Shrek: Um... Fiona?
Princess Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I... I love you.
Princess Fiona: Really?
Shrek: Really, really!
Shrek: Mmmm... I love you too.

Shrek: What're the flowers for?
Princess Fiona: Getting rid of Donkey.

The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

Grandpa: [narrating] Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.
Buttercup: Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
Westley: As you wish.
Grandpa: [narrating] "As you wish" was all he ever said to her.
Buttercup: Farm boy, fill these with water - please.
Westley: As you wish.

Grandpa: [voiceover] That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish," what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.
Buttercup: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher.
Westley: As you wish.
[they begin kissing]

Buttercup: You can die too for all I care!
Westley: As... you... wish!
Buttercup: Oh my Westley! What have I done?

The Grandson: Is this a kissing book?
Grandpa: Wait, just wait.
The Grandson: Well, when does it get good?
Grandpa: Keep your shirt on, and let me read.

Prince Humperdinck: This is your last chance! Surrender now!
Westley: Death! First!

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