We were talking of London, ma'am, and all its diversions.


It's not that I don't like you, I just don't like to eat with other people.


Senior Jerk Alert!


I left Elton John's, where there were a hefty number of half-naked chicks with their mouths open, to hang out with you, at Christmas. It's a terrible mistake, Chubs, but you turn out to be the fucking love of my life. And to be honest, despite all my complaining, we have had a wonderful life.

Billy Mack

l assume you're watching these because you're curious about sex... you know. Or filmmaking.


Melissa: "Replacement Kicker Having a Great Year." "Ready For Super Bowl, All-Star Kicker Boasts."
Ace Ventura: "Field Goal Sails Wide. Dolphins Lose Super Bowl."
Melissa: The "Kick Heard Round The World." That was Finkle. The Dolphins lost by one point.
[Ace lets out an impressed whistle. Melissa flips to the next clipping, with a headline that reads "Finkle Contract Not Renewed."]
Melissa: Poor guy.
Ace Ventura: Poor guy with a motive, baby.

Airport Security Officer: Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?
Derek Smalls: Er, not really.

Jamie: Todd, your old man's here to see you!
Donny: WASSUP!

Hell to the no!




Is that... is that hair gel?


How'd it go with your lady? Carve up any ice... With your weiner?


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