Just call me Darth Balls... Bong.


Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat


Max Fischer: Your mind's as warped as your ear, Magnus.
Magnus Buchan: Don't Get Nasty, Brother.

Can we get through one fucking conversation without you reminding me that my goddamn husband's dead?


Shannon Hamilton: You wanna say something?
Brodie: Yeah. About a million things, but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand it all.

All right, Lewis, knock em' dead. That was a figure of speech. Please don't kill anyone.

Mr. Willerstein

Mel: You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A-?
Cher: Totally based on my powers of persuasion, you proud?
Mel: Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades.

Kevin: Wait, what are those?
Jane: Nothing.
Kevin: Are those?
Jane: NO.
Kevin: Are they bridesmaid dresses?
Jane: This is none of your business!
Kevin: Ohhh... good God. What, you kept them all? You have a whole closet full, why?
Jane: I have a lot of friends and I like to keep them.
Kevin: Right. Well, that makes complete sense because they're... beautiful.
Jane: Some of them are not that bad.
Kevin: Not that bad? I'd like to see one of them that's not that bad.

[after Joel's Princeton interview]
Lana: So, how're we doin'?
Joel Goodson: Looks like University of Illinois!

[to Andy, in a bar] All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "tackle drunk bitches."


[written on piece of paper showing it to Frank] Welcome to hell.


Charlotte A. Cavatica: You're very kind.
Templeton: Don't go spreading it around.

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