Jenko to bandit


[to Evan] I love you!... I mean, I think we should hang out socially... I have a new ping pong table.


You know, they really should tell you if they're gonna just let Komodo dragons run loose around the hotel.

Reuben Feffer

Shut up. Don't speak.

Sergio Roma

Maybe I'm spending too much of my time starting up clubs and putting on plays. I should probably be trying harder to score chicks.

Max Fischer

This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to EAT it. You're hypocrites, all of you! You have a problem with what I'm saying, Larry?

Phil Connors

Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?

Katy: Is this really what you're gonna do for the rest of your life?
Boon: What do you mean?
Katy: I mean hanging around with a bunch of animals getting drunk every weekend.
Boon: No! After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night.

Al Czervik: [tees off] Fore!
[ball hits Judge Smails in the crotch]
Al Czervik: I should have yelled, "Two!"

Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

Arlene Lorenzo: How dare those people treat us like we're stupid teenage girls.
Betsy Jobs: We are stupid teenage girls.
Arlene Lorenzo: No. We're human beings, and we're American citizens. And four score and seven years ago our forefathers... did something.

[Inside the whale] I have to get out of here! I have to find my son! I have to tell him how old sea turtles are!


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