Popular Comedy Quotes
Mr. Burke: Now, when I say "Romeo and Juliet," who comes to mind?
Dana: Claire Danes?
Mr. Burke: That's right, Claire Danes. Who else?
Chad: Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mr. Burke: Right. Who else? Well, you know someone else was involved in that movie who in some ways is as famous as Leonardo Di Caprio. And his name is William Shakespeare. And some great movies have been made based on his plays: Hamlet, West Side Story, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Waterworld, Gladiator, Chocolat...
Sid: Welcome, to the Wellington, ma'am.
Elle: It's a thrill to be here.
One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.Corrections Officer
Janey: Jake! How did you get in here? I thought Dad bolted the door.
Jake: There's a big hole in the side of your house.
Dr. Peter Flynn: I understand you're a neurosurgeon.
Bert Fischer: No, I'm a barber, but a lot of people make that mistake.
Aloha, Mr. Hand.Jeff Spicoli
[comes flying in a leather suit and the police men are looking at him] What? It's a little tight.Hancock
That bastard isn't gonna get away with this. I mean, what is going on in this country when a scumsucker like that can get away with sandbagging a doctor of journalism?Raoul Duke
Marin: Harry was once engaged to Diane Sawyer.
Zoe: Diane Sawyer? No way, I love her!
Erica Barry: That's wonderful!
Harry: Women your age love that about me.
Erica Barry: Ah.
Harry: No, that's a good thing.
Erica Barry: I'm sure you meant it as a compliment.
Harry: Yes, it was meant as a compliment.
She's got me, she's really clamping down!Lloyd Christmas
Some people have a hard time explaining rock 'n' roll. I don't think anyone can really explain rock 'n' roll. Except Pete Townshend, but that's okay. Rock 'n' roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking... and it's not about money and popularity. Although, some money would be nice. But it's a voice that says, "Here I am... and fuck you if you can't understand me." And one of these people is gonna save the world. And that means that rock 'n' roll can save the world... all of us together. And the chicks are great. But what it all comes down to is that thing. The indefinable thing when people catch something in your music.Jeff Bebe
Mother in Store: [apologizing for her daughter hitting Dave on the head with a box while shopping in a grocery store] Oh, sorry about that. Sorry.
David Seville: Kids, huh?
Mother in Store: Yeah, they keep you on your toes. You have any?
David Seville: Three boys.
Mother in Store: Some days are better than others.
David Seville: ...and then some days you just want to close them in a box, and leave the box in the park, and run away you know?
Mother in Store: [rushes off with her cart]