Popular Comedy Quotes
Brian: First of all to understand what happened to killer, you gotta understand who killer the dog was. Now killer was born to a three-legged bitch of a mother. He was always ashamed of this, man. And then right after that he's adopted by this man, Tito Liebowitz he's a small time gun runner and a rotweiler fight promoter. So he puts killer into training. They see killer's good. He is damn good. But then he had the fight of his life. They pit him against his brother nibbles. And killer said "no man that's my brother, I can't fight nibbles" but they made him fight anyway, and killer, he killed nibbles. Killer said "that's it!" he called off all his fights, and he started doing crack, and he freaked out. Then in a rage, he collapsed, and his heart no longer beat. wow.
Thurgood Jenkins: You know uh, I never thought I'd say this to anybody, but you two smoke entirely too much reefer.
Chuck: Here's my phone number.
Dave Buznik: "You're gonna die, bitch."
Chuck: Oh, sorry. That's a letter I'm writing to Geraldo Rivera.
Bill: Hey Ted? Wanna play 20 questions?
Ted: Okay! I got one!
Bill: Is it a mineral?
Bill: Are you a tank?
Ted: Whoa! Yeah!
How about a Fresca?Judge Smails
I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriosuly, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.Penny Lane
I arrived in America's airport with clothings, U.S dollars and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.Borat
Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?
Egon: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.
I woke up in a great mood; I don't know what the hell happened.Mike Damone
I'll always have a place at the Dairy Queen.Libby Mae Brown
Topper Harley: I'm putty in your hands.
Michelle Huddleson: In my hands, nothing turns to putty.
[to the Heavens] Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?Evan Baxter
Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'?
Lawrence: [pauses] No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.