Brodie: My Grandmother always used to say "why buy the cow, when you can get the sex for free".
T.S. Quint: She said that?
Brodie: All the time, before she became a lesbian on her 60th Birthday, but that's besides the point.

Ian Miller: My parents' names are Rodney and Harriet.
Toula Portokalos: [horrified, looking at wedding invites] Rodney and HARRY!
Nick Portokalos: We didn't notice, so maybe they won't.

Now that's what I call high quality H2O.

Bobby Boucher

Oh Veronica Vaughn! So hot! Want to touch the hiney! Arrroooooooo!

Billy Madison

Stoner Guy: Preston? I dunno, his hair's kinda, I dunno, brown?
Watermelon Guy: No, it's not really brown. Oh, he's tall.
Stoner Guy: Yeah, he's kinda kinda tall. Sorta tall. And he's like always wearing like t-shirts.
Amanda Becket: So, he's sort of tall?
Stoner Guy: Kind of.
Amanda Becket: With... hair?
Stoner Guy: Yeah.
Amanda Becket: And he wears t-shirts sometimes?
Stoner Guy: Yeah.

Scientist: Private Miller, you've been smoking item nine for nine minutes. How do you feel?
Private Miller: I feel like a slice of butter... melting over a... big ol' pile of flapjacks... yeah.

[Shooter's ball lands on Mr. Larson's foot]
Mr. Larson: That's two thus far, Shooter.
Shooter McGavin: Oh, you can count. Good for you.
Mr. Larson: And *you* can count, on *me* -- waiting for *you* in the parking lot.
Crowd: Ooooooh.

Sometimes when you snort coke, your heart stops and starts up again. Read a book!

Mr. Chow

Cal: That's a good looking grandma! My grandma looks like Jack Palance.
Andy Stitzer: Well, she's no Jack Palance.
Cal: No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady I would want to fuck Jack Palance right now.

Carter: This ain't no Democracy.
Lee: Yes it is.
Carter: No it ain't. This is the United States of James Carter. I'm the President, I'm the Emperor, I'm the King. I'm Michael Jackson, you're Tito. I own yo ass.

Dr Ray Stantz: This is a major disgrace. Forget MIT or Stanford now. They wouldn't touch us with a 10-meter cattle prod.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're always so concerned about your reputation. Einstein did his best stuff when he was working as a patent clerk!
Dr Ray Stantz: Do you know how much a patent clerk earns?
Dr. Peter Venkman: No!

Carl Spackler: This place got a pool?
Ty Webb: Pool and a pond... Pond be good for you.

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