A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.

Ty Webb

I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the f**k up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.


I'm going to suck your dick like I'm mad at it.

Elizabeth Halsey

[after ripping the guy's ponytail off] You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally SPLIT!

Jessica (in Clive's body)

[as Simple Jack] Mama, I'll see you again tonight in my head movies. But this head movies makes my eyes rain!

Tugg Speedman

There's a fly in the ointment. Shit's hittin' the fan. The lion will speak!

Saul Silver

Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get.

Old Timer at Gas Station: This is one sweet ride.
[commenting on the Mercedes as Alan is pumping the gas]
Alan Garner: Don't touch it. Don't even look at it. Don't look at me.
[the old man walks away]
Alan Garner: That's right. You better walk on. I'll hit an old man in public!

Judge Smails: [to Bishop Fred Pickering] Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven?
Bishop: Yeah, Judge, that's a doozy.

Nobody drink the beer, the beer has gone bad!


Ed Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' nothin'.
Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning?
Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears.

I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.


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