Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically being a fucking boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about.


Brodie: My Grandmother always used to say "why buy the cow, when you can get the sex for free".
T.S. Quint: She said that?
Brodie: All the time, before she became a lesbian on her 60th Birthday, but that's besides the point.

Ian Miller: My parents' names are Rodney and Harriet.
Toula Portokalos: [horrified, looking at wedding invites] Rodney and HARRY!
Nick Portokalos: We didn't notice, so maybe they won't.

H.I.: Need a beer, Glen?
Glen: Does the Pope wear a funny hat?

Ned: "Needle-nose Ned"? "Ned the Head"? C'mon, buddy. Case Western High. I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing. Ned Ryerson, got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson? I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple of times until you told me not to anymore? Well?
Phil: Ned Ryerson!
Ned: BING!
Phil: Bing.

Stu Price: [to crying baby beside him in back seat] No, don't cry, it's okay, everything's fine, don't cry...
[screaming to the other guys in the front seat]
Stu Price: What the fuck is going on?

Woman in Elevator: Oh, how cute! What's his name?
Phil Wenneck: Ben.
Alan Garner: Carlos.

[in his dream] Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.

Joel's Mother

Stoner Guy: Preston? I dunno, his hair's kinda, I dunno, brown?
Watermelon Guy: No, it's not really brown. Oh, he's tall.
Stoner Guy: Yeah, he's kinda kinda tall. Sorta tall. And he's like always wearing like t-shirts.
Amanda Becket: So, he's sort of tall?
Stoner Guy: Kind of.
Amanda Becket: With... hair?
Stoner Guy: Yeah.
Amanda Becket: And he wears t-shirts sometimes?
Stoner Guy: Yeah.

Scientist: Private Miller, you've been smoking item nine for nine minutes. How do you feel?
Private Miller: I feel like a slice of butter... melting over a... big ol' pile of flapjacks... yeah.

So long, gay boys!

Mr. Chow

Sometimes when you snort coke, your heart stops and starts up again. Read a book!

Mr. Chow

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