I know you're partial to convenience stores, but dammit, H.I., the sun don't rise and set on the corner grocery.

Gale

I like the smell of my hair treatment; the pleasing odor is half the point.

Ulysses Everett McGill

I love acid... Cops!

College Kid

Steve Stifler: I love the Twilight books. New Moon is my favorite!
Teen Girl: Mine too!
Steve Stifler: Oh my god, it's like, we have so much in common!

I love you too, but I'm gonna mace you in the face!

Jack

I may not do everything great in my life, but I'm good at this. I manage to touch people's lives with what I do and I want to share this with you.

Carl Casper

I missed the whole Dragon Tales Era?

Michael Newman

Jake Taylor: I play for the Indians.
Chaire Holloway: Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!
Jake Taylor: Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great!

Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique rebel.
Mitch: It sounds more like you're a lesbo.
Mr. Briggs: Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone.
Janey: Thank you, daddy.
Mr. Briggs: If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision.

I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know.

Elizabeth Halsey

Raoul Duke: I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney. He's not just some dingbat I found on the strip, man. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But that doesn't matter, though, does it? Are you prejudiced?
Hitchhiker: Hell no.
Raoul Duke: I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is very valuable to me. Oh, shit. I forgot about the beer. You want one?
Hitchhiker: No.
Raoul Duke: How 'bout some ether?
Hitchhiker: What?
Raoul Duke: Never mind.

Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy Madison: OOH. That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's Go.

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