Fred Claus: Love's complicated.
Willie: It hurts.

You're all fired, in the morning you'll all be on a bus back to Elfistan!

Clyde

I say we take the sword and neuter him right here! Give him the Bob Barker treatment!

Donkey

I opened up to you, and you judged me.

Tiffany

Roy: So what did your dad do? Was he an imperial guard?
Chon Wang: No, much more important. He was the Keeper of the Imperial Seal.
Roy: That's what I love about China. Everybody's job description sounds so damn cool!

I'm gettin' too fat for this s***.

Larry

Ooh, a Mini-Doris! I didn't know you could do that!

Bowler Hat Guy

Marie: I don't think he's every going to leave her.
Sally: I know he's never going to leave her.
Marie: You're right, you're right. I know you're right.

Cady: Regina, wow, you look really beautiful.
Regina: I'm wearing a spinal halo.

Jack: Jill this is Otto.
Otto: Nice to meet you.
Jill: (Yells) :Nice to meet you! He's homeless, right?
Jack: Are you whispering with a bull horn or something? Everybody hears you.

Father Brian Finn: I got you something. I almost didn't because I was so mad but this is too good.
Rabbi Jake Schram: Holy shit! It's the Rabbi Schlomo Schnurson rookie card! It's like the last in the series!

Erica Barry: You know what, Harry. If it's all right with you, I'd like to be friends.
Harry Sanborn: Friends? I'm not ready to be your friend!
Erica Barry: Fine, I understand.
Harry Sanborn: And anyway, do you really buy that horse shit that a man and a woman can be friends after they've had sex?
Erica Barry: I'm friends with my ex-husband but then again, we didn't just have sex.
Harry Sanborn: We didn't just have sex either.
Erica Barry: Then what was it? I'd love to know.
Harry Sanborn: Can I e-mail it to you when I figure it out?

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