Popular Comedy Quotes
Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing.Billy Madison
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.
Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye. It's just I won't ever see you again.Frank Drebin
John Winger: C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like we're going into *Wisconsin*.
Russell Ziskey: Well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it!
Alvin: Dave needs a little help from the love doctor.
Theodore: And his assistant.
Doug Madsen: Did he just say "cracker"?
Dudley Frank: "Cracker-ass."
Doug Madsen: Oh, perfect.
H.I.: Do you ever get the feeling that there's something... Powerful pressing down on you?
Glen: Yes, I know that feeling... and I told Dot to lose some weight but she don't wanna listen!
Quentin Hapsburg: Do you gamble?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Every time I order out.
Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!Fairy Godmother
Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported.David St. Hubbins
Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that?
Dr. Egon Spengler: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.
Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?Mrs. Smails