Popular Comedy Quotes
Trip McNeely: Speaking of which, you still with that Amanda chick? She was a prize piece if I ever saw one.
Mike Dexter: [lying] Yeah, me and Amanda. Definitely. Yep.
Trip McNeely: You're lucky, bro.
Mike Dexter: I sure am.
Trip McNeely: Stay with her. It's the best advice I can give you... Oh, that, and bring rubber flip-flops in the shower. I got warts all over my feet.
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Ted: Hey, you're home early!
Lori: What the hell is this?
Ted: They're hookers, so it's fine.
Chuck: I still remember the war...
Dave Buznik: Oh, yeah?
Chuck: Yeah... Remember waking up to the sound of bombs dropping and children screaming...
Dave Buznik: Oh, you were in Vietnam?
Chuck: No... Grenada.
Dave Buznik: Didn't that, like, last only 12 hours?
Princess Fiona: Is that glitter on your lips?
Prince Charming: Yes, cherry flavored. Want a taste?
You gotta be as blind as Anne Frank not to see that.Randal Graves
Your fans never left you! The world hasn't forgotten!Walter
She's fabulous, but she's evil.Damian
Is that my sweet Rachel's voice I heard? Or am I just goin' meshuga?Marilyn Hack
Crush: Okay. Squirt here will now give you a rundown of proper exiting technique.
Squirt: Good afternoon. We're gonna have a great jump today. Okay, first crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall. There's a screaming bottom curve, so watch out. Remember: rip it, roll it, and punch it.
Marlin: It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it. Look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying. Say the first thing again.
Fuck Jeff Goldblum.Saul
Just go with it.Danielle