Popular Comedy Quotes
Brick Tamland: Let's take a look at the big map. Where’s the map?
Ron Burgundy: Take a look at the monitor.
Brick Tamland: Oh god, Ron, where's my legs? I don't have any legs, Ron. Ahhh! In 93, 93…
Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...Carl Spackler
Oh, Ron, there are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.Veronica Corningstone
Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.
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Lloyd: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt.
Harry: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic... Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound.
Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chi
[on the phone to his sister] I'm very busy and important. How can I help you?Prime Minister
One day, lady superspy Susan Cooper, I will fuck you.Aldo
Karate Guy in Porno: Oooh, excellent, grasshopper. And now for your final task of your training.
Danielle: You're gonna need a harder piece of wood that that, cowboy.
Matthew: That's not her.
Eli: Yeah, it is.
Matthew: Oh, no.
Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat Stratford: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.
Put me in your pocket, Mike.Tracy Lord
[Homer is whipping the dogs pulling his sled]
Homer Simpson: Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!
[the dogs jump over a cliff]
Homer Simpson: Jump! Jump!
[the dogs land on the other side]
Homer Simpson: Land! Land!
[the dogs take a breather]
Homer Simpson: Rest! Rest!
[the dogs pull the sled again]
Homer Simpson: Run! Run!
[Homer sets up camp and begins removing the dog muzzles]
Homer Simpson: Okay, I know we've had a rough day, but I'm sure we can put that all behind us and...
[the dogs start attacking Homer, causing him to scream in pain]
Homer Simpson: AGH! Not my whipping arm!
[the dogs leave Homer stranded]
Homer Simpson: Why does everything I whip leave me?
She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!Jim
Wayne Campbell: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
Alice Cooper: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
Pete: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."
Wayne Campbell: I was not aware of that.