Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes " Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and grabs me by the weiner.

Dale Doback

Jake Taylor: That ball wouldn't have been out of a lot of parks.
Rick Vaughn: Name one.
Jake Taylor: Yellowstone?

There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.


This guy threw at his own son in a father son game.

Harry Doyle

This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.

Spalding Smails

Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.

Heather Chandler

We got a bleeder!


Andrew: What do you need a fake I.D. for?
Brian: So I can vote.

Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
Mugatu: Derek, this is just a small...
Derek Zoolander: I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!

Who the fuck are the Knutsens?

The Dude

[rapping] You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper.

Grim Reaper

Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you.

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