Popular Comedy Quotes
Frank Falenczyk: You gonna run and tell mommy?
Dave: That's right, Frank. I'm going to run and tell mommy.
Frank Falenczyk: Shit.
Henrietta: I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!
Ash: [Aims shotgun at Henrietta's face] Swallow this.
Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one... just makes me want to burn this motherfucker down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down! Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfucker down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle.Burger Shack Employee
Dan: If I'm gonna be an old dad, you're gonna be Uncle Charlie. We can do this.
Michael: Sweet love, renew thy force.
[Start of Shakespeare's Sonnet LVI]
Patrick: Hey! Don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you.
Cher: Daddy, this is my friend, Tai.
Mel: [to Tai] Get the hell outta my chair!
Ronny: I am trying to fix this stuff.
Geneva: You are breaking more stuff.
Lindsey Meeks: I'm going to Paris, and I'm taking vous!
Lindsey Meeks: Oui!
John: I might get a shag at last.
Jane: I've heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That's why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.
Pete: There are five chairs in this hotel room!
Ben Stone: That's WAY too many chairs for one hotel room!
Kumar: [in surgery] Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery.
Male Nurse: Marijuana?... But why?
Kumar: We don't have time for questions. We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! Like a big bag of it.