Popular Comedy Quotes
You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it.M. Gustave
Gale: You understand, H.I.? If this works out, it's just the beginning of a spree to cover the entire southwest proper. And we keep going until we can retire. Or we get caught.
Evelle: Either way, we're fixed for life.
Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: Your's would be too... if you were a man.
Your society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself.J.D.
Brooke: You're crazy.
Gary: No, I'm not crazy and a lot of times people go "Oh that's crazy!" then they go "It's genius!" That's what happened to the person who invented fire. They burned that witch and guess what, then they got warm and they ate good stuff. Now where are we headed to. Let's not make this weird, 'cause I'm not good on dates...
You're gonna listen to me? To something I said? Hasn't it become abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?Brodie
Mary: You've been to Nepal?
Pat Healy: Not in months, I don't know why I bought the damn place.
Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.Maury Ballstein
I don't deserve someone like you. But If I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life.Phil
If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad. And you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Ohman in the projection room above the auditorium! I never told anybody that because I am *such* a good friend!Gretchen
Vinny Gambini: How many fingers am I holding up?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Let the record show that counselor is holding up two fingers.
Vinny Gambini: Your Honor, please!
Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, go find your own.
Randy: Come on, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, I'm freakin' starving! I didn't get to eat anything today.