Popular Comedy Quotes
Alison Scott: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong.
Ben Stone: It's okay... I didn't.
Stop the penis party!Womynist
You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.Andy Stitzer
Julia Harris: Have you ever done it in a dentist's chair?
Nick Hendricks: Well, you go there and I'll just go to the men's room for a minute.
Julia Harris: You're quite welcome to do that on me.
Nick Hendricks: Actually, it's... uh...
Julia Harris: And?
Inigo Montoya: You know Fezzik, you finally did something right.
Fezzik: Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head.
Up your butt, Jobu.Eddie Harris
Why do people have to love people anyway?Fran Kubelik
Peter: Do you need a plastic bag, or....
Sydney: Oh no. I don't clean up after my dog.
We'll be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway. [laughs]Bob Porter
You can't come back with a comeback after eight seconds. You got three seconds. Five, tops. It's called a quip, not a sloooowwwwp.Mauricio
You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!Bill
J.D.: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica Sawyer: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D.: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.